This involves every single character that has ever been involved in the importance of the NQPWF in it's entirity. I'm doing this for my own pleasure and cause I feel like writing for fucking 2 hours.
Matti H: It looks like we're going into this rumble and it's lookin good folks! 30 NQPWF Superstars, and one leaves the champion. Now let's find out who picked number 1!!!
("Punk" by The Gorillaz hits as Elmo Machete runs to the ring)
Christo: My god it's 2 time former World Champion Elmo Machete! It's gonna be hard for this honored veteran to win with a pick this low!
Matti H: You feel bad for him? I feel bad for number 2. Number 2 never gets any recognition!
("Downside" by Klank hits as Kayin Masaki makes his way to the ring eyeing down Elmo Machete)
Matti H: Oh and this is a man that definately deserves it! A man who was screwed out of a long title reign because of a fed closing, he out of all people is definately deserving of this match.
Christo: Well don't speak too fast, he's in the ring and Elmo is already stomping on him like a drunken redneck beating his wife and fuck buddy at the same time. Good god! and a hard elbow to the chest! Elmo sure is determined but if he wants to win the title, he's gonna have to save some stamina for later.
Matti H: He's already taking too many chances, Kayin ducks a clothesline and hits a swinging neckbreaker! bounces against the ropes, and a spinning leg drop!
Christo: Kayin Masaki is a submission manuever guy and his submissions could either work to his advantage by slowing his wrestlers down, or a disadvantage because you can't lose by submission. and it looks like we're just about ready for #3
("Louie Louie" by The Kinks hits as Louis Chaddor dances his way to the ring)
Matti H: Oh god what a joke! I don't think I ever seen this guy stay in the ring for more than 6 seconds! He definately won't last long.
Christo: I agree with that but only because he's a migrant worker. It looks likes Lou is trying to pummle on Elmo, but Elmo isn't even moving. OH! and a shot to the face by Elmo! And now him and Kayin are stomping the crap out of him. They get him back up to his feet and there he goes! Louis Chaddor is eliminated!
Matti H: See? Told ya he wouldn't last! See ya on my lawn Lou! Oh and it looks like party time is over and Kayin and Elmo are back at it. This is a rivalry that can never end! and Elmo with a beautiful DDT!
Christo: Can't get much better then this Matt!
("Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim hits as The Rebel makes his way down)
Matti H: And it looks like Autonomous Cult leader The Rebel is here to battle this grueling rumble and he's heading straight to Elmo with fists back and forth. Whips him against the ropes, shoulder block!
Christo: Rebel continuing with his attack on Elmo and Kayin is over to knock it off. Kayin and Rebel look as to be brawling and now we're gonna have our next entrant!
("Superstar" by Saliva hits as Ceej-Tank comes to the ring)
Matti H: The Beast From The East has arrived and he's ready for the rumble. And it looks like we got a battle between Rebel and Elmo and Kayin and Ceej are dukeing it out.
Christo: Ceej-Tank was talking in his interview before the Rumble about how he's willing to eliminate anyone from this rumble, even his own partner J-Magnum! Elmo and Kayin whip both their opponents to the ropes, clothesline to both of them!
Matti H: This isn't lasting for long, Elmo and Kayin are back at it and they are brawling like no other! Kayin whips him to the corner, and a big boot is hit! Here comes #6
("Devil's Dance Floor" by Flogging Molly hits as Matt Murphy comes to the ring)
Christo: Murph is here and he doesn't look sober or happy! He's lookin out for revenge after Ceej's vicious attack to him at the last show, and he goes straight for Ceej, which is broken up by The Rebel. Rebel grapples with Murph and delivers a beautiful snap suplex!
Matti H: and over on this side, Elmo and Kayin continue to fight! Kayin is locking in his face lock submission to soften up Elmo, he's grabbing for the ropes but in this match he can keep it in as long as he wants because you can only lose by being tossed over the top.
Christo: And on the other side, Ceej and Rebel are teaming up on Murph and they are pickin him up and got him up high in the air, DOUBLE VERTICAL SUPLEX!
Matti H: That's gonna hurt for at least 10 minutes!
("Points of Authority" by Linkin Park hits as Frank Lee makes his way in)
Christo: And former Autonomous Cult member Frank Lee is here and he's taking out his old partner Rebel. and we have 6 men brawling, Elmo Machete is teetering on the ropes and is struggling to stay alive, Ceej and Murph are duking out with hard right hands and take downs, and The Rebel is making Frank look like a beaten down rag doll!
Matti H: Elmo Machete is holding on and he's back in the ring here and laid out like yesterdays paper. and now we're ready for #8
("Fuel" by Metallica hits and Evil Asshole Alan Schatz makes his way to the ring)
Christo: OH MY IT'S ALAN! We haven't seen him since the last time he made his return!
Matti H: Who cares about Alan? Murph just hit a High Flying DDT to Ceej-Tank and it looks likes he's out cold! While Frank Lee has Rebel in between the ropes, and he hits a DROPKICK!
Christo: Alan Schatz in and he's tryin to help Murph and Kayin eliminate Ceej-Tank but he's holding on for dear life, now Elmo getting involved and Alan going after Elmo. That's not a smart move!
("Superstar" by Saliva hits as J-Magnum makes his way to the ring)
Matti H: It's the other half of the Mega Stars! I love these guys! Magnum making sure Ceej-Tank stays in this and now him and Kayin are battling.
Christo: Oh no! Look at the top rope Frank Lee is looking for a High Risk Manuver that could eliminate The Rebel, But Rebel moves and Frank falls out of the ring! Frank Lee is eliminated!
Matti H: Murph and Alan are getting the beatdown by the Mega Stars and Elmo is squaring off with Rebel, These guys are only a 3rd away from the World Title but we still have a lot of men left! Let's see who drew #10
("Crimson King" by Demons and Wizards hits as Devlin comes to the ring)
Matti H: Now Rebel's partner is here we have alliances and rivalries through the roof! It looks like Murph is brawling with Alan now and He delivers a great DDT! and Elmo Machete just hit the Blue Light Special on Rebel, but Devlin picks him up, and whooooo looks like the Whirley Bird!
Christo: Devlin celebrating this, but not for long as Kayin hits him square in the back. And now it looks as if Ceej, Magnum, and Alan are tryin to eliminate Murph, but this is a big guy! it's gonna take a lot to get him over!
("Bandages" by Hot Hot Heat hits as Jeepers runs to the ring)
Matti H: And here's the National Champion Jeepers! His martial art expertise makes him big competition in this rumble and he's headin for the crowd trying to eliminate Murph, but Murph has broken out of this and now he's trying to catch his breath on the other side.
Christo: But wait Murph is aimlessly walking around and Ceej-Tank has pushed him over and eliminated him!
Matti H: It looks like Ceej is a little cocky bout this and he's telling off Murph, But it looks like his tag partner J-Magnum has just tossed him out with him not even paying attention!
Christo: Well that's exactly why this match is every man for himself!
("Jumpdafuckup" by Soulfly hits as Finno makes his way to the ring)
Matti H: Finno is here and there is no love loss between him and Jeepers! Their on going feud for the National Title has made this rivalry one of the greatest we've ever seen!
Christo: and now 8 men are in the ring including the first two men who entered! Rebel and Kayin fighting! Elmo and Devlin are as well! Alan is trying to eliminate Magnum but it looks like he has a great hold of the ropes!
("Poem" by Taproot hits as Brisk makes his way to the ring)
Matti H: It's the RWF's Brisk here and he's looking to do what he states he'll do to the NQPWF and tear it down! But Devlin and Rebel are battling with him and just hit a Double Clothesline.
Christo: and on the other side, Kayin has just delivered The Downside to Elmo! Alan is running after him and he recieves a downside! And Jeepers on the other side delivers a shining wizard to the face of Finno! And now we're ready for #14
("Digimortal" by Fear Factory hits as Danny Revolution makes his way to the ring)
Matti H: Revolution now here and he's the 10th man here in the ring. and this has become an all out insane brawl my friends! Nobody is safe here in the royal rumble!
Christo: Especially not Magnum who has just been Finnoshered by Finno. and now Finno with one to The Rebel! But he's picking him up again and Finno has just executed the Finnosher to Rebel outside of the ring, Rebel is eliminated!
Matti H: Jeepers has Alan on the ropes and a swift superkick to the face sends Alan off! This is insane! What's gonna happen next???
("Praise" by Sevendust hits as Weapon X comes down to the ring)
Christo: OH MY GOD IT'S WEAPON X! And he's here to take down everyone! CLOTHESLINE TO REVOLUTION! picks him up again, VIOLENT BOMBS HIM OUT OF THE RING! Revolution is eliminated!
Matti H: But that's not it! he's going after Brisk now and delivers another Violent Bomb!!!! Kayin picks Brisk up and tosses him out! Brisk is outta here! Now Kayin is trying to eliminate Devlin but Weapon X and Elmo from behind have just ELIMINATED BOTH OF THEM! Weapon X Is cleaning house!!!!! and now Magnum is trying to attack Weapon, but Weapon is using his strength to lift him from his back, and he flips Magnum over the ropes! Magnum is eliminated!
Christo: Weapon and Elmo working as a team almost and they and Jeepers are all beating down on Finno, and Finno is now outta here!
Matti H: It looks like Jeepers wants to celebrate, but it doesn't look like Weapon is in the mood for a party. He kicks Jeepers in the balls, and Jeepers get's clotheslined outta here!!!! We went from 9 down to 2 in 2 minutes!
Christo: and Finno is looking pissed. It doesn't look like he's leaving this match very happy.
("Crash" by Methods of Mayhem hits as Michael Matthews comes down to the ring)
Matti H: and it doesn't look like Matthews is even gonna have a chance to make it to the ring, Finno is beating the crap out of him, and he hits the Finnosher on the rampway!!! EMT's are coming out to m5's aid
Christo: This isn't smart for Elmo Machete he is looking at what's going on outside of the ring, and Weapon turns him around and hits a hard lariot onto him! Weapon is picking him up, VIOLENT BOMB! AND ANOTHER! AND ANOTHER! 3 VIOLENT BOMBS!!!
Matti H: And Weapon X is picking Elmo up, and Elmo has been eliminated. But wait Weapon has gone under the ropes and he is continuing this vicious attack on Elmo Machete! And he whips him into the concrete steps! It looks like Weapon X is getting a chair, and WHAM! a shot to the head.
Christo: Weapon X has totally cleaned house and he is taking no remorse on Elmo Machete, and it's time for our 17 entrant to come to the ring!
("You're The Best Around" from the Karate Kid hits as Figlet comes to the ring)
Matti H: Oh my god what a joke, Figlet. This fat chubby loser kid, I bet he's never even wrestled before!
Christo: Hey, he has an advantage right now, he's the only one in the ring! and it looks like he's saying something!
Figlet: :GASP: I WIN! I WIN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!! I AM THE GREATEST WRESTLER ALIVE!!!!
Matti H: Uh oh Figlet don't look behind you! Weapon X has got that chair, and he delivers a shot straight to the head of The Fig! And there goes Figlet! Weapon X just eliminated his 8th person!
Christo: It look likes Weapon's breather is over, now let's find out who drew #18
("M.A.T.T.H." by None More Black hits as Randose runs to the ring)
Matti H: Oh my god its Randose!!! Randose is the last person Weapon would wanna see right now! both these men are duking it out and Randose has knocked Weapon down, elbow drop!
Christo: Randose looks ready and detirmined and he is a huge favorite in this rumble being a former World Champion.
Matti H: But nothing compares to Weapon X's huge Title reign for more than a tape!
Christo: Randose is still brawling down on Weapon, but Weapon X hits a low blow on Randose! He's now kicking his sternum into the ground repeatedly!
("Sugar" by System of a Down hits as Tom Foolary makes his way to the ring)
Matti H: Tom Foolary in this match now and Tom Foolary helping Weapon beat down on Randose. The two toss him against the ropes and a double knee to Randose's chest. And Weapon X uppercuts Foolary!
Christo: Weapon now putting all his attention on beating down on Foolary while Randose is slow to get up. Weapon X hits a Snap Suplex on Foolary and brings him back up and hits two more!
("Crazy Insane" by Machal Montano hits as Carribean Jay makes his way to the ring)
Matti H: Another big favorite in this match Carribean Jay is making his way down towards Weapon and starts the attack on him. Meanwhile Randose and Foolary are duking it out on the other side and Foolary has hit a huge bulldog onto Randose!
Christo: Randose looks down, but Carribean Jay is looking to take Weapon out with a HUGE Vertical Suplex beautifully executed! now Foolary and Jay are brawling and Jay hits a big Carribean Clothesline!
Matti H: Carribean Jay going to the top rope looking for the Flamingo Leg Drop, and its perfectly executed to both Foolary and Weapon!!!
("Bowser Theme" from Mario64 hits as El Lobo makes his way to the ring)
El Lobo is here and he's going straight for Jay!
Matti H: Ahhh Lobo! Now that's my pick to win!
Christo: As your pick and Jay are battling, Randose has gotten up and started stomping onto Foolary and Weapon seperately. He brings Foolary up and whips him to the corner, he's running back looking for a spear, but Foolary ducks out of the way and Randose crushes his head on the ring post!!!
Matti H: Now it looks like Weapon has got Randose up and he delivers a Bezerker!!!
Christo: Now it's time for entry #22
("The Fight Song" by Marilyn Manson hits as Crouton Magillicutti makes his way to the ring)
Matti H: Here comes Crouton and he looks ready to serve up a dose of seizure salad out tonight!
Christo: It looks like Jay has Lobo teetering on the ropes but Foolary is now geting the upper hand on Jay. Foolary holds the leg out, Enziguri kick!
Matti H: Lobo lookin for a breather and Randose and Crouton are duking it out. Weapon X now walks over to Lobo and starts stomping him into the corner!
("In Bloom" by Nirvana hits as Caged Heat makes his way to the ring)
Christo: Here comes Caged Heat who has cost Carribean Jay the EBW Title. Also these two are former tag team champions who have had a huge rivalry here in the NQPWF. Heat is lookin out for some revenge tonight!
Matti H: It looks like Heat is headed straight to Jay as the two of them are brawling. Randose has just hit a Russian Leg Sweep onto Crouton and Lobo has just powerslammed Weapon! Foolary and Lobo are now trying to get Weapon X over the ropes but he's holding on really tight!
Christo: It looks like Jay has reversed Cage's irish whip and he whips him towards the ropes and hits a beautiful cross body!!
("Big In Japan" by Tom Waits hits as Stop Sign Bob makes his way to the ring)
Matti H: And here is our beloved chairman Stop Sign Bob! He could win the title and not even have to wrestle.
Christo: What a pussy bitch! He's not even entering the ring. Hey look! Randose has gone under the ropes and is exchanging blows with Stop Sign Bob! both of them are battling on the outside!
Matti H: And inside the ring we have Caged Heat teetering on the ropes and Jay looking to eliminate him, but Heat moves out of the way and Jay flies over the top! Carribean Jay is eliminated!
Christo: Randose has finally thrown Stop Sign Bob into the ring and Lobo and Foolary join in on the beatdown. and it looks like as if we're ready for #25
("God Of Mind" by Disturbed hits as The Climax makes his way to the ring)
Christo: CLIMAX IS HERE! CLIMAX IS HERE! He's running down and he looked angry and ready as he delivers a clothesline to Lobo, delivers a clothesline to Foolary, he grabs Crouton and tosses him over the top, Crouton's eliminated! Now he picks up Foolary and eliminates him! Now he's lifting Heat up, THE RESOLUTION OVER THE ROPES! HEAT IS ELIMINATED!
Matti H: And it looks like Weapon X is gonna break up Climax's fun and he's looking to hit a Bezerker, but RANDOSE DROPKICKS BOTH OF THEM AND THEY FALL TO THE MAT! Randose gets up and Lobo picks him up for a Sidewalk Slam! Bob is now trying to escape Lobo, but it looks like our next entrant is about to arrive!
("Don't Stop Me Now" by The Vandals hits as Primetime Punisher makes his way to the ring)
Christo: And here's Barry trying to make an impact here! Goin' straight for Lobo, Punisher tries to lift him for the TKO, but Lobo won't let him pick him up! Lobo now grabs Primetime Punishers head and tosses him out!
Matti H: Lobo now getting back into it with Randose and both of them are stomping on Weapon and Climax. Stop Sign Bob is still standing in the corner alone watching everything go on, but him and Randose have made eye contact and Randose is now chasing Bob around the ring!!! He tells Lobo to hold Bob and he kicks him in the stomach! Now Randose has delivered the Overdose to Bob!!! Dose and Lobo pick Bob up and send him flyin out of the ring!
("I Wanna Rock" by Twisted Sister hits as Savage comes to the ring)
Christo: The former World Champ Savage is here! And it looks like Lobo has turned on Randose and delivered a flying lariot to him! Weapon and Climax still brawling on the other side and Weapon hits a Big Fisherman Suplex!
Matti H: Savage is now going over to brawl with Weapon while Lobo is still beating Randose to the ground! and it looks like it's time for #28
("Coma" by Guns N Roses hits as Dr. Pain comes to the ring)
Matti H: Here comes the Pain and he is heading straight for Lobo! Hard rights and lefts delivered to both of these wrestlers! and now the Climax and Randose are fighting! Climax with a Brainbuster onto Dose! Savage with a Pumphandle Slam on Weapon!
Christo: Lobo is looking to pick Dr. Pain up for a gorilla press, but Pain counters and hits a belly to belly suplex! All these men in the ring look fatigued! We got two more entries to go!
("Dragula" by Rob Zombie hits as Jonny Deathrow comes to the ring)
Matti H: The Animal is here! and the RWF didn't have much success before so maybe Deathrow can try to win it with this high pick!
Christo: Deathrow and Dr. Pain are the only to people up and fighting with Savage and Climax getting to their feet. Climax has Savage on the ropes but Savage is holding on, Lobo is trying to stomp down on whoever he see's but Weapon X trips him face first to the floor.
Matti H: Dr. Pain whips Deathrow to the ropes, but Deathrow delivers a hard clothesline!
Christo: Well it looks like it's finally time for our final entry to get down here.
Dancin' Fool: DID SOMEBODY SAY GET DOWN?!?!?!
("Jungle Boogie" by Kool & The Gang hits as the Dancin' Fool Cabage Patches his way to the ring)
Matti H: It looks like The Fool got the luck of the draw here and he's coming in lookin for a fight and not a dance. He goes over to Deathrow and hits a big hanging suplex on him!
Christo: And on this side it looks as if Weapon X has Randose up for the Violent Bomb, BUT WAIT A MINUTE! IT'S ELMO MACHETE! WE THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD! SMILEY FACE BUSTER ONTO WEAPON X!
Matti H: It looks like Elmo is bringing him up and him and Randose have tossed him over!!! The Most Threatening man who eliminated 8 people has just been eliminated!!!
Christo: Don't look now but Jonny Deathrow is teetering on the ropes, it looks like Dr. Pain is trying to push him over, but HE LOSES HIS BALANCE! BOTH DEATHROW AND PAIN ARE ELIMINATED! 5 Men are left standing!
Matti H: and it looks like Randose and Lobo and Climax are all brawling while the Dancin' Fool is put in a menacing headlock by Savage. Fool dances his way out of it, throws Savage against the ropes and clotheslines him straight over! We are down to our Final Four!
Christo: These men have been in here a while with the exception of the Fool. Randose the most fatigued. Randose has Climax in the corner and starts pummeling the hell out of him. While it looks like Dancin' Fool is about to hit the Get Down on Lobo, but Lobo gets out of it and goes for a belly back suplex, Dancin' Fool is pushed over to the ropes and HE'S SUPLEXED OVER THE ROPES! FOOL IS ELIMINATED!
Matti H: Randose has knocked Climax down and he's looking for the Stage Dive which is very risky right now... especially when Lobo shakes the ropes! Randose is sitting on top on the ring post and Lobo has got him up looking for a superplex, BUT CLIMAX IS UP! CLIMAX IS UP! CLIMAX HAS PUSHED BOTH RANDOSE AND LOBO OVER, CLIMAX IS OUR NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!
Christo: Great, now let's catch up on sleep.
Matti H: Climax is the Royal Rumble winner and NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!!!
I started writing this at 2:30 am, I finished at 6:05 am. I honestly have no fucking life. and hey if you can understand it, try reading it, it took work and effort and all that jazz